Tuesday, January 1, 2008

Good Riddance, 2007 - thanks for everything.

What a year What a year! Man, it's crazy to look back and see where I was in my life a year ago. (I'm one of those dorks who can look back in my agenda and see exactly what was going on each day because I write every event down...feel free to make fun of me haha!) So in looking back on everything, I clearly see I have learned so much this year! The Lord has molded my heart, my family, friends, and so many others have influenced me in the past year. I wish I could say I wouldn't change a thing, but where my heart is now, I think I would. I mean, it's always gonna sound more noble, or make you sound stronger if you say you wouldn't change anything, but I'm sure deep down, everyone would change something. And sometimes, I just get tired of taking the high road, and just want to break it all down and say yes, I have regrets, and yes, I would have changed some things. Wow, that sounds a lot more doom & gloom than I expected, but that's the beauty of writing - the thoughts just flow. Maybe it'll be easier to sort of list out things I've learned/discovered/wondered this past year...

hmm where to begin...
I learned first of all, that the more time you spend with the Lord, the more time you spend in the word, the more you'll want to. For so long I complained about that "fire" going out, and not being able to find what I had known before, that relationship and that passion; but I was doing nothing to ignite that fire. It's not gonna start itself, we have to help! But now, I find the more I read, and pray, and spend time with the Lord, the more I want to. I would surely suggest this to anyone! Just do it. And He will come!

This is a big one...I've discovered I give my heart away too easily. I'm hesitant, and have trust/doubt issues with relationships, but at the same time I completely entrust my heart to someone else's hands; so I'm sort of a catch 22. I give my heart away, but am also quick to doubt. Which sucks. Don't give your heart away if you're not sure how it will be handled, because it hurts too bad when it's handed back to you. This I will definitely work on in 2008!!

I've learned that I love being outside. And I try to spend as much time as possible out there. After all, God created it for ME (and you :)!) to enjoy, and we should do so. The beach in Charleston, to the Mountains up in Clemson...lovin' it!

I've learned that there's ALWAYS time for coffee with friends. There's always time to catch a quick lunch with someone, or go on a walk; and I've learned that finding these small/short times with friends are definitely vital in life.

I've learned that I'm more independent than I thought. I used to hate being alone, because I felt like I needed more friends, or felt dejected like no one wanted to hang out with me, but I've learned this is not true.

I've always prided myself in saying I have no regrets; but I've discovered that I do. Maybe one day I'll be back to not regretting any decisions I've made, or whatever the case may be, but I've learned that currently, regret is a real thing. It sucks, but it's there.

I've learned that I'm a dreamer...and that it's ok. I want to move to NYC, I want a fairy tale romance, I want to own my own store one day, and I do dream of all these things and more. We'll just see what happens. I know not all of this sounds like reality, and that the real world will hit me sooner than I think, but I have lofty dreams, and I'm ok with that :).

I've always loved music & the arts. And recently I've gone to see a few jazz ensembles play downtown. I need to make more time for stuff like that this coming year.

I've realized how good writing actually is for me, and how much I enjoy it. I know blogging is dorky or kinda silly to some, (me too actually haha) but I love to write. It helps me greatly to just release all my thoughts and just let the ideas flow. I've written a LOT in my journals (i've already completed like 4 this year) and I've written letters (most of which I never gave to the person written to - but it still helped tremendously to get it all out, even if they never heard it!). And my new favorite writing form - songs. I've only completed a couple, but I have tons of lyrics. Writing has definitely become a new favorite form of release for me.

I've come to realize your mood is what you make it. Your day, week, month, or even year is what you make it. If you set your mind to being depressed, you will be. If you set your mind to be happy no matter what, you will be. Hard to do, but I promise it's worth it! One of my favorite quotes: "Life is like a wave, you can't change the way it breaks, just the way you ride it." :) aaamen.

I've prayed to see the beauty in everything. To not miss anything, or take the small things for granted, like a sunrise, or a sunny day, or even a smile from a stranger in passing. I've prayed for this - that I'll never take the beauty of this life and world for granted. Life is beautiful - Embrace it and be thankful!

One tough thing though I've realized this year is that spiritual warfare is absolutely real. Satan is ready and waiting to plant seeds of doubt and second guessing and questioning in our heads. I've been going through some of this lately, and after talking to my mom about it realized that is exactly what it is. Satan tries his hardest when he knows we are in an intimate relationship with our God...

A simpler lesson learned: I spend way too much time on facebook, etc... I think we all do haha ;)

enough for now....but I'm hoping to carry these lessons/realizations over into the next year, all the while letting this past year go - so as to take all I've learned and make them "resolutions" of some sort. We'll see how it goes.
Goodbye 2007, hello 2008 :)

one love - C